My surprise have the right to only be explained this way: I just don”t watch enough daytime tv.

But there it was, the somber opening 4 chords of Beethoven”s Symphony No. 5 settling in my ears – dah, dah, dah, dum. Sometimes dubbed “fate knocking on the door,” this most acquainted of all classical phrases serves as the template soundtrack of “Judge Judy.”

I had a weekday off in the time of the holidays and, once taking down the Christmas tree, the irrepressible Judy Sheindlin literally held court – ah, the magic of television – at 4 p.m. in my living room.

Hearing the design template music, I wondered what Beethrange would carry out if he kbrand-new that his best-known expression was component of the gruff-mannered judge”s TV program. What would the disheveled, hot-tempered and equally gruff-mannered composer do? Why show up in court, normally, to contest the judge”s use of his music.

So suspfinish disidea for a few minutes and also imagine this scenario:

Bailiff: “All climb. (audience stands). Your honor, the issue of Beethrange versus Sheindlin.”

Beethcooktop – unaccompanied, forehead creased via worry lines, a sheaf of scrawled manuscripts in his right hand also, his hair flying about in 5 directions – enters the courts and stands behind a podium.

Judge: “So, Mister Beethoven, Ludwig van … am I pronouncing it correctly, sir?”

A significant pausage. Beethrange wipes sweat from his brow.

Judge: “Am I pronouncing it properly, uh, Mister Beethoven?”

Aget, no answer.

Judge: “Sir, are you deaf?”

Beethrange, that has some experience reading lips, nods, mumbles somepoint, reaches right into his waistcoat pocket, pulls out a hearing aid and also places it in his left ear.

Beethoven: “Yes, I am. What of it? I”ve managed to write some of my finest functions despite it.”

Judge: “We”ll have actually no smart talk in my court, carry out you understand me, Mister Beethoven? By the method, wbelow are you from? From your smart mouth, I”d say the Bronx? You remind me of a neighborhood son, Joey Pescatore, however that”s another issue.”

Judge Judy looks down at documents in front of her.

Judge: “So I view you”re a composer by occupation and also you”re representing yourself. I”d say that”s NS. You now what that means? Not Smart. I”m representing myself, but I”m a trained lawyer – you”re not. So you say I have actually no ideal to rip off the opening C minor chords of your Symphony No. 5. Well, let me tell you something … ”

Beethstove tries to interrupt.

Beethoven: “Then you should provide me a few bucks, a lump-sum payment, for the use of it. The music seems to be helping you out financially. You look choose you”re doing pretty well for yourself.”

Judge: “I don”t understand if I”ve made myself clear, Mister Ludwig van, or whatever your name is. I”ve gained the regulation on my side right here. Your debate doesn”t host water, sir. Just bereason you say I should pay for your music, doesn”t suppose it”s going to take place. Understand? Maybe you don”t. You weren”t the pick of the litter, were you? I understand also your dad used to smack you about as a kid. Too bad, but perhaps you should”ve smacked him right back. Life”s stormy. I”m ruling in my favor.”

Judge Sheindlin gavels the situation to a close, and also Beethstove, seeing the judge leave the courtroom, mumbles, “Fate”s going to knock on her door someday, you betcha.”

Judge (from within her chambers): “I heard that!”

Richard Bammer is a Reporter functions writer.

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He has extended arts and entertainment for Northern The golden state newsfiles and also magazines for even more than 22 years. To reach him, call 453-8164; send e-mail to him at arts