Rough one critical week. Mine wretched prop bets price me a gargantuan 49,700 jermajesties.* this days the gambling gods and also I are getting along about as well together Nicki Minaj and also Mariah Carey. I’d prefer to understand — execute those gambling god think i’m playing? ok tell girlfriend right now I’m not sitting below for 20 minutes and having them operation down your résumé every five minutes, every day. They’d much better not speak one much more disrespectful thing to me about my crappy picks or ok shoot their Dreamloving asses.

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OK — happy I acquired that turn off my chest. Currently I have the right to ditch my pink wig and hopefully move on native this pigskin-prognostication misery.

The great news is, mine fake bankroll is still at a hopeful 18,050 jermajesties overall. The poor news is, this is every nonsense and also I’ll never be able to cash in.

(*Obligatory weekly explanation: A “jermajesty” represents the fake name offered for a disagreement amount. It is additionally the unfortunate surname of among Jermaine Jackson’s sons. Unfortunate for him. Fortunate because that us.)

Jets come score end 23 pts. Vs. The Colts

I understand betting top top the jets seems prefer a great waste of jermajesties, especially since in the last four games the Jets have put up 10, 23, 0, and 17 points. This week they confront a Colts team it is coming off an emotionally game. Friend can’t expect them to present as much initiative in mainly 6. Lock are, in fact, the Colts. The Jets’ biggest difficulty (besides disrespecting God by keeping his favorite player sidelined) has been gaining the running video game going. I choose their matchup against the 25th-ranked Colts sirloin defense. 20,000 jermajesties

Cousin Sal’s mainly 6 Straight-up Picks against the Spread
Best Bets …

Jets (-3.5)

Cowboys (+3.5)

Patriots (-4)

The rest …

Titans (+6.5) (I swear ~ above at the very least one the my children I nailed this)

Bengals (-2)

Bucs (-4.5)

Falcons (-9)

Lions (+3.5)

Dolphins (-4)

Skins (-1.5)

Bills (+4.5)

Giants (+6.5)

Texans (-3.5)

Broncos (+1.5)

Jets (+9)

Jamaal Charles 12/1 to have the many rushing yards ~ above Sunday

Anytime the leading rusher in the league has actually a day with the up-and-down Bucs defense and also is provided double-digit odds come come out on top, it’s worth a shot. The best part is that Charles is the type of earlier who deserve to win you this gambling 20 minutes after the finish of the pregame show. 3,000 jermajesties

Gates 10/1, Jacob Tamme 12/1: first TD scored in the Monday-night game

I swear ns going to hit among these Monday bailout props, also if ns go damaged doing it. Stop go broke together. 3,000 jermajesties each

Michael Vick will fumble this main (+150)

I don’t fault Vick for his recent rash of sphere mishandlings. Ns blame head coach Andy Reid, that advised Vick, “Just imagine she holding a child puppy.” bad joke! under boy! Seriously, with hard-hitting defenders like Ndamukong Suh, Nick Fairley, and also DeAndre raise breathing down his flea collar, odds are an excellent the fumbling woes proceed this week. 5,000 jermajesties

Chan Gailey will certainly be the an initial head coach fired in the 2012 season (-150)

You have the right to actually gambling this. You must actually gambling this. Pat Shurmur (Cleveland) is additionally a heavy candidate to gain the inaugural ax, but his ceo didn’t invest $159 million on two players in the last 18 months. Chan’s did.

Over/under 6.5: healthy Steelers remaining on your roster by mainly 17

Has anyone ever fielded a team of 5 or fewer players before? Maurkice Pouncey, Marcus Gilbert, Rashard Mendenhall, Isaac Redman, will certainly Allen, Ryan Clark, and Chris Carter. All starters. Every left the video game injured critical night. It’s just a matter of time before Troy Polamalu slips in the bath tub shooting among his Head & Shoulders commercials. Five — he’s currently sitting out? never mind. Coach Tomlin might want to consider forfeits. They nothing hurt almost as much.

Over/under 23,716.5: Chiefs fans that will cheer when Honey Boo Boo child establishes a debilitating tapeworm infection throughout the season finale

Note come David Blaine — if you’re planning a death-defying escape and are looking for a support group, continue to be as far away native Narrowhead Stadium as possible.

750,000/1: odds that any kind of team in NFL history other 보다 the Cowboys has ever before had two punters ~ above the injury report the mainly after a bye

I’m not also going to research study this. It’s as well depressing. I recognize my negative News Boys are all alone in this bizarre category. Bring back Danny White!

On a range of 1 to 10 how much i’m loving mine “Andrew Luck come have more passing yards than RG3 in 2012” prop bet after critical week … over/under 9.5

Over! ns think this bet to be locked down last week as soon as Luck scrambled for a an initial down top top third-and-7 while RG3 was gaining his mind scrambled do the efforts to revolve upfield. Incidentally, both room currently listed at 5/4 odds to victory rookie of the year. Smart money’s top top the male who plays choose he’s going to critical the season.

Over/under 37,893.5: Heimlich choke joke told at A-Rod’s expense this morning on sports talk radio shows around the country

At this point, ns don’t think also Madonna would bang the guy.

See more: Italic, Bold, Bold Italic, And Underline Are Examples Of _____.

Over/under 6.5: minutes ns experimented last night toggling earlier and forth between playoff baseball and the Thursday-night football game prior to giving increase on the nationwide pastime

Why is it that 22 huge men in pads can pick themselves off the turf, huddle up, and also run a play in the very same time it takes because that a pitcher come gather and also throw one key to home plate? five wait — I understand why. Because football is the biggest sport ever before created and also we should gain down on ours hands and also knees and also kiss our flat-screen TVs every Sunday in evaluation …

2 million come one: odds that you will favor Hulk Hogan’s actual sex tape to the Jimmy Kimmel Live version

I wonder just how well Hulk’s 24-inch pythons get in addition to his 2.4-inch python. Ah — the wonderful human being of steroids.